Ask Asad: My mom is a widow though she has remarried. What should we do?
Dear Asad,
By profession, we am a banker. A happily married male with dual kids and a pleasing wife. we have 3 siblings – dual brothers and a sister. They are also married and staid in their lives. My father died when he was 47 and my mom was customarily 36. My younger sister was customarily nine-years-old during a time. We were not too rich though after my father’s death, we all had to work really tough to make ends meet, though today, we are a fast family again.
The customarily problem is that my mom has remarried and she has not told any of us.
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My mom once overheard my mom revelation one of her friends about her marriage. When she questioned her, my mom reliable that she had married a male who is now vital in a United States. My maternal grandfather had been a declare during a marriage. My mom is unknowingly that we know about her new marriage. However, we am tremor with worry when we consider about a vigour that is about to come on us from a multitude we live in.
Every family has problems. We are 4 families vital together. How is it probable that we can't have problems? My younger hermit is carrying some problems in his matrimony since of his heavy wife. But we believe, my mother’s resolution to a family issues is get married and pierce out of a house. Above all, she has not told anyone of us about her nikkah. Only my maternal grandfather and a friend, who organised a ceremony, knew about it.
This is really annoying for me. What should we do?
A uneasy son
Dear uneasy son,
I know your stress per a greeting of your family, kin and multitude when they will know about your mother’s marriage. we also know that in a regressive Pakistani multitude it is not a normal for a widow of your mother’s age to remarry – generally with 4 children and many grandchildren. However, during a same time, we will titillate we to take your mother’s feelings into comment and demeanour during a whole conditions from her perspective.
Yes, we competence face a lot of vigour from a multitude though for a consequence of your mother’s complacency we contingency male adult and bear it. Think of all a vigour your mom contingency have left by when your father upheld away. She mislaid her father during a immature age of 36 and did not remarry since she wanted to persevere her time and appetite to bringing we and your siblings up. She ensured that we all get a correct education, rewarding careers and good spouses.
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She contingency have faced a lot of problems in looking after her 4 children and that too alone with complete friendship and selflessness. Why? Because she loves we and now that she has over all her duties and we and your siblings are bustling in your lives with your spouses and children, your mom has each right to find a life partner.
Now it is time for we to uncover her how many we adore her and how many we caring for her happiness. If her complacency is in removing remarried afterwards we should support her. Do not consider about ruining her complacency only since we are fearful of a multitude or since we wish her to keep on elucidate your family or marital issues.
I know we customarily demeanour towards a elders for recommendation and superintendence and it is one of a many pleasing aspects of a culture. But during a same time, we should not design them always to be around and take responsibilities for a problems. We need to understand, they are humans too. They have their possess needs and limitations. Your maternal grandfather contingency have concluded to her nikkah after bargain all of this.
If your younger hermit is aged adequate to marry and have children, we trust he should also be means to hoop his possess issues. For how prolonged will he keep on counting on your mom to run his matrimony life uniformly for him?
It is high time that we and your siblings should start holding responsibilities for your possess affairs. Just since we all went for organised marriages as per your mother’s wishes, does not shorten her to strengthen your marriages.
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You also mentioned that financially your family is doing utterly well. If this is a box and your mom is about to leave a residence since she has married someone in a US, afterwards because do not we and your siblings also opt for vital alone with your families instead of vital together underneath one roof. This will relieve some of a tensions during home as each family will have some-more remoteness and independence.
I know it is not easy though you, your siblings and your families will have to come to terms with a fact that your mom has remarried and that it is her right to do so and we can't and should not be a jump in a approach of her complacency and a over life.
All a best!
Asad
Asad is a counsellor, life coach, inspirational orator and a personal-development expert. He advises on social, personal and romantic issues. You can send him your questions for this weekly mainstay during [email protected] with “Ask Asad” mentioned in a theme line and yield as many sum as possible.
Note: The opinions voiced in this essay are those of a author and do not indispensably simulate a views of The Express Tribune.
Article source: https://tribune.com.pk/story/1428568/ask-asad-mother-widow-remarried/